{THE UNCHERISHED}

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

hmmMm.
another day has passed. one less day to prelims. i want to cry!! other rach's prelims would be over. and i would have just started mine.
english prelims on starts on the 2nd Sept'05 and the rest over the papers comes after the holidays.
the only thing im looking forward to now is ryan's bbq.
not sure whether i could go. my mum hasn't given an answer yet.
back to my day. first period was add maths. the freaking morning assembly had cut 15 MINS into our first period!!! ARGH!! man. i want to get my A for add maths ok~ so went back to class. went through CGS 2003 prelim paper one. it was biology after that.
had my biology class test today. on genetics. i cldn't do the first question!!! or more like i didn't understand what in means anyway. i was like racking my brains for the first 5 mins on what the question was trying to ask.
bleagh~
but i wrote an answer anyways. i forgot to study for the test.
as usual. it was a good thing i had done my biology ten years series even before my teacher had gone through it. then it was recess. jessica had suspension for being late. but met up with her for recess. had chicken rice and apple juice. yummy~ hee hee. went back to class. jessica went back to sitting outside the general office. refusing to come up. azlin came in for lit. told us what to do for revision for the weekend. also talking about the hamsters that ryouko had brought to school. next period after lit was karen tan's lesson, geog. tourism ... blah blah blah. chinese was after geog. but mr lim had came in to teach physics. teach teach teach.it was like until 10 mins before 1.30pm, me and evon urgently needed to use the toilet. so we went. and more people went after us. mr lim said that our class can have an award for some going to the toilet thing. one word to describe ... LAME. hahs.
after physics. LUNCH!!!! finally.
haowen, yaoen, nette and i went to mobil. i bought my red bean pao and strawberry milk and MnM's crispy chocolate. yummy!!
so after which was english. den chem lab. it was our mock practical exam. i was clueless on what to do the entire time. so i just pretended that i knew what was i doing. asking peiting what was this and that. turned out that she didn't know. we all didn't study. i expected it to be on organic chem. at least that we have done it recently. but it came out on some ammonia chloride thingy. i didn't know this answer till me jessica and pamela had reached bukit panjang plaza kfc when i looked through the QA book. sigh.
so we ate and we left and i got home to study.
i better go back studying.
i have 3 mock test tomorrow. chem, e maths and something else.
bye!!!

my rules' my life man.
yippee!!
cant wait for friday!!!! GARY LEE!!!!
people from S2 and S3!!! don't forget your cameras on friday. please charge and bring more memory cards!!!!
hahs.

9:22 PM
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Tuesday, August 23, 2005

shucks.
i thought it would be a great day today cuz oral is over.
but nOOOO...
my brother had to reinstall the whole computer that all my files are like gone!!
MY MULAN!!!! ARGH.
i had wanted to watch it today.
sigh.bad luck.

anyways. rachel and i are friends again. just chatted with her on msn.
got some bbq thing at ryan's house on the 9th september.
during the holidays.
which is like freaking close to prelims.
but i want to go.
although i know that i can't stay over.
the possibility of me being able to do so is 1000000 x10 ^-400
hahs.
it's to show the emphasise. hee hee.
okok.
gtg study now.
bye bye.

my rules` my life`

7:49 PM
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Saturday, August 20, 2005

NOT EVERYTHING IN THIS ENTIRE WORLD CAN BE JOKED AT. YOU THINK THIS IS A JOKE?? TO YOU IT MAY SEEM SO. BUT HAVE YOU THOUGHT OF WHAT I WOULD FEEL?? I HAVE FEELINGS TOO!THE WORLD DOES NOT ONLY REVOLVE AROUND YOU TOO. DOESN'T MEAN THAT I LET YOU GUYS MAKE A JOKE OUT OF ME ALL THE TIME MEANS THAT I DON'T CARE ABOUT IT. I DO!!! BUT IT'S NOT SO SERIOUS. I JUST LET IT GO. BUT RELATIONSHIPS?? THAT'S GOING WAY TO FAR. IM SERIOUS ABOUT IT. LOOK AT MY FAMILY AND YOU'LL KNOW WHY. IT'S NOT A MATTER THAT CAN BE JOKED ABOUT. YES. IM ONLY 16!! SO? I WANT TO PUT MY HEART AND SOUL INTO WHENEVER I GET IN TO ONE. THAT'S ONLY IF I GET TO. IM NOT AS LUCKY AS YOU. YOU HAVE A PERFECT AND HAPPY FAMILY. YOU HAD BOYFRIENDS. YOU'RE SMART. YOU PRACTICALLY HAVE THE LIFE THAT YOU SIMPLY ADORE RIGHT NOW. I DON'T. THOUGH I MAY SAY THAT IM CONTENTED WITH WHAT I HAVE. JUST MY FRIENDS,FAMILY AND GOD. I AM. BUT SOMETIMES I ASK MYSELF. WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE THIS WAY?? WHY CAN'T I BE LIKE SOMEONE ELSE?? THIS INFERIORITY KILLS ME. WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CAN'T TAKE JOKES SERIOUSLY?? THEN WHAT HAS HAPPENED OVER THE PAST FEW YEARS OF FRIENDSHIPS. I TREASURED IT SO MUCH. SO WHENEVER YOU GUYS JOKE ABOUT ME, I JUST LAUGH ALONG. I DIDN'T WANT TO BE ANGRY. I WAS AFRAID OF LOSING MY FRIENDS. HAVE YOU EVER SEEN ME ANGRY WITH YOU GUYS?? BARELY EVEN SO. I COULD USE ONE HAND TO COUNT YHE NUMBER OF TIMES I WAS ANGRY AT YOU PEOPLE. AND NOW THIS HAS HAPPENED AND I APOLOGISE. BUT WHAT YOU WROTE ON YOUR BLOG WAS SHATTERING. YES. I AM A FUCKING BITCH. THERE. I'VE SAID IT. IF THAT'S WHAT YOU WANTED. I JUST ANOTHER IRRITATING BITCH THAT HAS NO LIFE. NO LOVE. A DISFUNCTIONAL FAMILY. NO LOOKS. NO SHAPE. NO BRAINS. TO SUMMARISE IT ALL. I'M A FUCKING LOSER. I NEVER WANTED THIS TO HAPPEN. NEVER.

YOU ALL WOULD STILL BE MY BESTEST BEST FRIENDS AND I THANK GOD FOR YOU PEOPLE. THANK YOU FOR BEING THERE WHEN I WAS DOWN. THANK YOU FOR PUTTING UP WITH ME. MY LATENESS AND ALL. THANKS FOR ALL THE LAUGHTER WE HAD AND STILL TO COME. YOU PEOLE WILL BE THE THIRD LAST THING THAT I WOULD NOT WANT TO LOSE. THERE'S STILL GOD AND FAMILY. I TREASURE THESE THREE THINGS THE MOST IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. SO I AM SORRY FOR EVERYTHING.
i won't hate you people. in fact. i simply love you guys. maybe quarrels like these will strengthen our friendship. you guys are the motivation to push me on. pushing me to believe in myself. in loving myself. it's in you guys that i find the real me. thank you guys so much. i appreciate you guys being there for me. even if i had to apologise for the words i said which in turn hurts me so. everything i say comes from the bottom of my heart. i treasure these gifts that God has provided me with. that's why i hate it whenever my mom talks bad about you people. when she don't let me go to church. you people and GOD mean so much to me that i'll never want to let it go.
IM SORRY RACHEL. SORRY THAT I WAS A PAIN. THAT I TOOK THIS JOKE TOO SERIOUSLY. YOU CAN STILL JOKE AND SHIT AROUND ME. IM FINE WITH IT. I'LL JUST GO ALONG WITH IT. YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE A BORING PERSON. JUST BE THE WAY YOU ARE. THAT'S WHAT MAKE YOU ... YOU. IM SO, SO SORRY...

ARE WE STILL FRIENDS?

2:15 PM
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shucks.
ive been fooled again. not by the same group of ppl. it's different this time.
what is love anyway?? i've been wanting it since God knows when. but then again.
im afraid. ive been through alot much worse than those who breakup with their boyfriends or girlfriends. it sucks.
try having the 2 most important people in your life splitting up.
yeah. my parents. in love. you only lost one person. you could always find another one to replace it. but i lost the trust within me and my family. ive always thought that we are one BIG happy family. but no. it just had to happen.
anyways.
had a quarrel with one of my BEST friend today. i was being such a bitch and all.
so i just want to apologise to her.
im not going to hope for anything. getting a boyfriend and all. it hasn't happened for 16 years ... so do i think it'll happen anyway?? whatever may be will be. im gonna study hard and not let gary lee down. i gonna do what i want. that's the way i should have done years ago. even if i have to live a lifetime all by myself, im gonna make sure that i am happy.
if my auntie can do it, so can i. what makes me so different from her anyways.
i live for myself and God alone. and that makes me happy.
that's it.

~~blonk` blonk` blonk`~~no more.
it's going to be =>
you|play.by|MY.rules-*

1:48 PM
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Wednesday, August 17, 2005

i just wanna say a BIG THANK YOU to gary lee and GANG!!!
hahs. cant wait for u guys to come back for the booster session.
i simply miss gary lee!! WAH~
i want him back in school.
anyways.
ive learnt alot from this course!! yippee~
hahs. my mum learnt a great deal tooo.!!
so i have peace ever since den.
THANK YOU GARY LEE!!!
THANK YOU AMIN a.k.a. MINAH!!!
THANK YOU MELVIN!!!

i'm going back to study.
must not let them down.
YIPPEE~

thinking of the usual person ... as always.
not toOo much though. im beginning to give up hope.
slowly.

blonk` blonk` blonk`.

6:04 PM
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Thursday, August 11, 2005

hahs.
we had fun, laughter and joy.
interesting it was. but the hours were excruciAting.
imagine. it was from 8am all the way to 9pm in school.
we looked forward to getting halfway through the day.
counting down the number of HOURS to go.
thank goodness the people sharing their stories with us were hilarious.
we were either laughing with them. OR AT THEM.
mingee and jan were hysterical behind us.
so we waited. and waited. and finally.
dinnertime.
i was like expecting something good. but NO~
the veggies were not fresh.
chicken was toOo salty.
the rice was GREEN.
yeah.
so i just forced a little food down my throat and that was it.
i had enough off it.
so we went back to the PAT.
and 9pm came.
still watching the ROCKY3 show.
man. that's like the 3rd time i'm watching it this year. once during CME lessons. next was church. and then now.
wah~ it was simply great.
so when it was OVER!
nette's dad gave me, jessica, haowen a lift back to our house. or part of.
was soOo kind of them!!!
THANKS MAN!!!
hee hee.
better go bathe and sleep.
man. seeing him online just makes me think of him even more.
well. i'll put him aside for a while.
gotta concentrate on my studies.
STUDY!!!
hahs.
i'll think of him every now and then though.
=D
blonk` blonk` blonk`

10:43 PM
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Tuesday, August 09, 2005

TODAY IS SINGAPORE'S 40TH BIRTHDAY!!!!
therefore, i'll dedicate this song to her.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU~
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU~
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO SINGAPORE~
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!!

YAY!!

ok.
yesterday. i went off to the airport to jie 183 club!their flight landed at 11 plus.
so we were chasing them to marina. then watched them rehearse.
watched k one rehearse too!! got free tix to watch their concert and fireworks. after which we chased them back to their hotel.
hmmM.
den at night.
we watched. wahh~ the people in front held the board up so high~~!! WAH~ cant watch. but never mind.
then they went off today.
at 1.10pm.
that was like 10 mins after i woke up. anyways. i dun really mind them going.
ok. going off le.
missing him.
as always.

blonk` blonk` blonk`.

3:56 PM
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Friday, August 05, 2005

hahs.
at kh's house now. suppose to be studying now. but yeah. on her com. yup.
hmMm. well. the double date on tuesday is OFF!!
wah. joel no time.
oh. he's some guy that amy lee introduced to me like 2 days ago.
well.it's nothing lahz. just go out double date with amy and bf. hmMm. so i won't be going out. mabbe. ive still got other friends. hahs. so my mum let me stay here til 8. so nice right?? being a good girl once in a while is a good thing!
yAY!! it's finally the weekend. it's a pity i cant go for hillsongs!! tmr also cannot. sad. den got worship prac. sighzZ.
well. i end here. for now.

blonk`blonk`blonk`

6:13 PM
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Wednesday, August 03, 2005

hahs.
another days has passed. and im here justing waiting for time to fly by. i just cant wait. cant wait for that day to come. hmMm. should i or should i not. it seems like it is not going to happen. but then again, it seems like it is. hmMm.
i would still be here waiting cuz' i don't know what to do. but just stay here waiting, waiting for YOU. i don't know whether it would work out between us. or even start.
ARGH!!! this can't go on. but i don't know what to do. i just keep sinking deeper and deeper.
i keeping thinking about you all the time.

9:56 PM
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Tuesday, August 02, 2005

hmMm.
didn't catch methane today. but who really cares?? as usual .. amy lee and i were like aunties on the bus. gossiping non-stop. too bad there were no sji guys to piss off in the bus. at the bus stop, Amy lee had the cheek to ask me why i hadn't join them to study yesterday. hello~ she didn't even tell me that she was meeting him on sunday. but i had study group with my church frens. soOo even if she had asked, i wouldn't have gone. anyways, she was telling me things that had happened between her and hayden yesterday at BUKIT PANJANG PLAZA. hmMm. not exactly the right place to be having a "DATE". she told me how they had breakfast at Macs, lunch at Jacksplace and dinner at SWENSON's. hahs. instead of losing weight, she gains more in the end. i wanted to laugh my ass off on the bus ... but i had to be considerate to the other people on the bus. so i didn't. maybe i should be a kind soul. i won't expose her dirty secrets on my blog just yet. [note=> the keyword is YET.]

it was quite a long ride to school. so she shared hers. and i shared mine. long stories about the weekend that we have to tell to each other.
so when we reached school, we went to our classes. and i never saw her again today. soOo ... school was boring. had physics and biology test. man.. if i'm lucky~ i won't flunk both test. aHHhhHHh~

prelims is in about 38 more days. starting our eng paper first on the 2sepT. one day after teachers' day. and the rest of the papers are after the one week sepT "holiday". stressed. maybe that's one of the reason why im losing soO much hair. the part of me that i treasure the most.!!

went to see the dentist during lunch. the girl doing her teeth before me to sUchHh a long time that i missed my Maths D period. i have to take an X-ray of my teeth. the lady said that it MIGHT be my wisdom tooth coming out. but it was not very convincing. so she wanted to help me make an appointment with the Health Promotion Board to have my X-ray. but that was only if i decided not to put on braces. so ive decided to leave my teeth as they are... so im going to make an appointment with my dentist tomorrow. my teeth aren't that bad ... so it's not necessary for me to wear it. my mum still thinks it's a good idea for me to put after my O's. but to save some money for her. i'd rather not put.

back to school before reap, jan was taking orders. orders from restaurants outside school. soOo i ordered lunch. it only could come at 4.45 after REAP and so me waited. man. reap not boring at all ~ not at all. after eating, went home with jessica and haowen. went mobil to get a drink. walking to the traffic light to cross over to our bus stop. our bus came. haowen was the first to run across the road. "AFTER THE MERCS!!! AFTER THE MERCS!!!!" so jessica waited for the MERCS to pass by and she ran over. leaving me behind. the light ended up turning red and i could cross the road.
in the bus, haowen was shocked to see that jessica and i weren't behind her when she had crossed the road. guess what ... haowen wanted to shout out to run after a LEXUS had passed by and not a MERCS. jessica had crossed after a MERCS. and i was slow ... extremely slow. i did not know what was going on and only that my friends are like crossing the road without me. i was preoccupied with something else. him.

so i got home. watched a bit of the stand-up comedian, russell peters. not hilarious at all. watched tong xin yuan. talked to my mum.
I GOT MY HAIR LOSS CONTROL SHAMPOO!!!! yay.
im lame today. i woke feeling happy. i guessed i had good dreams yesterday night. i hope it was about him. hmMMm... better go to sleep now.

just wanted to let you knew if you knew what im writing now is to you.
i would overcome barriers and obstacles just to spend my time with you.
knowing that you're happy, makes me happy.
and that i would be contented even if it means just to stay by your side ....

as a friend

.

missing you now.

blonk` blonk` blonk`

12:13 AM
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